The Case of Uncle Jerry's Will

My longtime partner Wendy has always been weird. I don’t mean as a bad thing… though I don’t always like her, she’s always different from the norm, and I’m glad she’s my partner. She has talents I don’t, and I couldn’t ever have been as successful as I am without her. She is belief where I am skepticism, passion where I am coldness, sight where I am Skeptic.

Her uncle died.

Her rich uncle, from Roanoake, Virginia.

To me, Wendy is about seventy percent mystery. She snaps photos and does some neat card tricks, that’s about all I know… at least, that’s all I know for sure.

Her uncle Jerry had a funeral in which his body was fired out of a cannon through a foam rubber brick wall and into an incinerator. All while a John Williams theme transitioned into the Stars and Stripes Forever. It was the greatest funeral I’ve ever seen.

No, It was the greatest THING I’ve ever seen. I was floored. The best performance art/funeral/anything I have ever been a part to. It was an insight into Wendy’s family, all of whom were only attending to see what they might get from rich Uncle Jerry.

To top it off, Uncle Jerry had a multipart will, whereby he ejected relatives every few hours if they did things he didn’t like. Parking in the wrong place, not eating the right food, sleeping in the wrong place, you name it.

Wendy won.

Wendy won because she is a unique, remarkable person. She won because she deserved it. She won because she’s brave, she’s smart, and she’s wonderful.

Congratulations, Wendy.

The Case of Uncle Jerry's Will

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